do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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