Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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