we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
