he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Let's paint friendship bongs
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
