Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I party with great urgency now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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