Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
