I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
