apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize