All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
