Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
