i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
