I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
