If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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