Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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