My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
