so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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