His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
