I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
