You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize