Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
