imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
