I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
