He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
