My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
