So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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