my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
