theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
