sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
