I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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