Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
