this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
