remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
