PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
