defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
