At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
