I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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