i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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