i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
