Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
