fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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