ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
