DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
