addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is that strawberry winking at me??
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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