Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
