good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize