she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
