So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
