Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
