ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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