Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
