You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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