They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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