So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
