i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We just shotgunned beers for America
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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