So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
