You can't special order awesome
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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