Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
