someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
