every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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