my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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