I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
