I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
