So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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