I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
