I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
