me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
