My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
