Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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