covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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