it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
