Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
